Wanton Wednesday - Damaged

Last Sunday was amazing. Do-absolutely-nothing-constructive amazing. Breakfast in the early afternoon after braving the shops for ingredients. I made Anna and Delilah fruit pancakes, which we ate in the back yard in the afternoon sun.

Delilah decided to have breakfast topless. And one thing lead to another. Before long I was caressing and squeezing Delilah, which lead to a brief consideration of sex right there in the open air.

Eventually this plan was discarded for the comfort of the bedroom, where Delilah pinned me to the bed while Anna ducked into the bathroom for a moment. By the time Anna re-emerged, Delilah had disposed of all my clothes and was sucking my cock so I was ready-to-go for Anna.

I hazily remember being told to hold still and not come. I hazily remember not quite following all instructions to the letter. I hazily remember something about balancing me up for symmetry. I cannot quite remember the order in which everything happened, but after an orgasm with each of them, some pictorial evidence was posted to Twitter.

Specifically, both sides of my neck.

But that's not quite all. It definitely has been the most enduring of the damage done that afternoon (I can still feel awesome tender spots either side of my neck), but there was actually some further art-work to be displayed.

Front

And back (with a bite-mark on the shoulder).

If you enjoyed this post, be sure to have a look at the other Wanton Wednesday players for this week as well.

Evolution

So much has changed.

When we first met Delilah, our intent was to make a new friend. Someone that knew us primarily as a couple trying a path infrequently traveled. Someone we wouldn't have to explain this part of our life to.

Privately Anna and I exchanged many hushed discussions in bed late at night. How much we were attracted to her. How worried we were of ruining the friendship. How we didn't want to steer her in a direction of our choosing over her own. Yet, as it turned out, she wasn't averse to the idea of some experimentation. We couldn't have been more thrilled and terrified with the unknown before us.

But soon we discovered that there was far less to fear than we had imagined. Careful step after careful step, we discovered together that this didn't have to feel awkward, or strange. And we changed again, because now we had ourselves a regular lover.

This is where we would have originally said our journey would have ended. A mighty feat to get there in less than a year. And then something unexpected happened. We discovered there was more in our hearts than we dared readily admit. We had never discussed this. We had assumed this was a barrier we couldn't cross... but here we found ourselves, already on the other side before we even knew it. We had a girlfriend.

I feel amazingly lucky that Delilah has been interested in following us along this evolutionary path. Where we are now, is by no means where any of us set out to be at the start of this journey. We got somewhere better without even trying.

Communication is still the key to everything. And even more so with the ever-changing perspective of what we three are to each other. I had been too absorbed to notice that especially after the last unexpected evolution, my attitude was getting out-of-sync with reality. I had been keeping things to myself that I would never have kept from a girlfriend. Something in my mind had not yet adjusted to the new reality.

A serious relationship; ... it may take me some effort to bring communication to that next level, and there may be some compromises like in any relationship... but on the other hand we all get twice the love and affection whenever we need it. And when one of us is sick or needs support, there'll be two pairs of loving hands to guide the way.

I am as always happy, enthusiastic and optimistic. About both the present, and the future.

I love my life.

Wanton Wednesday - Black Lace Knickers

It is funny how minds work. Arthur sent me a cheeky little text message around lunch time, testing the water, so to speak. I was snuggled up in my PJs knitting, listening to tech podcasts and trying to down the amount of coffee that would jump start a sleeping pachyderm. Not horny. Nup. Not me.

Ten minutes later I was in the shower going for it with the showerhead.

Tem minutes after that I was wearing black lace knickers and playing around with my phone camera.

Then I was playing with myself.

I still haven't finished my knitting. You know what? I don't really care all that much :)


Anyone else out there get distracted by their sexy parts and fail to finish their knitting? I can't be the only wanton housewench this week. Go check out the other wanton folk! Clicky clicky ;)

SlutWalk: Sydney

Today saw the arrival of SlutWalk to Sydney. We've never marched for a cause before but if ever there was going to be a cause that has "us" all written over it, this is it.

It saddens me to have to march for the message that nothing other than consent gives permission to fuck someone. It baffles me how this simple idea is apparently not universally obvious. It angers me to think of the statement that set off the SlutWalks.

The weather wasn't exactly all we could have hoped for. But since it kicked off in Toronto, it's only right that they would pick summery weather to hold their march. Unfortunately this did mean that only few were prepared to brave the cold to underscore the message of the march with their attire in Sydney.

However, despite the cold, despite the rain, despite the unremarkable look of the crowd at the gathering point, there was a very decent turn-out. Some waited a little bit apart from the main crowd; whether made shy by the camera crews or by the nature of our message, I cannot say. But towards 2pm, the crowd visibly filled out as last-minute arrivals gathered at the meeting point.

There was a lot of enthusiastic chanting as everyone made their way along the Sydney streets from Town Hall to Harmony Park. And the march was not entirely devoid of garish garments and colourful coiffure either.

Our march ended in a slightly soggy field where some more chanting led over a megaphone briefly made me worry that we weren't going to be able to understand the scheduled speakers. Luckily they returned to a better speaker-system for the main portion of the event here.

Unfortunately we didn't get a chance to stay till the very end; exhaustion from the weekend and the march and standing in the park claimed Anna. But luckily not before we got to hear Zahra Stardust speak (who has improved remarkably at public speaking since her recent political bid), so we could return home happy.

All in all we had a great time supporting the message and the cause, marching with a crowd in the middle of Sydney streets crossing through red lights. And there were many friendly and helpful individuals out and about amongst the crowd.

And yet...

I was a little bothered by the lack of strong leadership and a clear vision and message. It felt like too many agendas were trying to pull the event into a variety of directions.

And as much as the core of this event was about violence against women, the explicit mention of women in places felt jarring and exclusionary. Especially considering the presence of more than a few men that showed up dressed in garb that would in many places potentially get them bashed.

It felt like a missed opportunity for a much simpler and much broader message. A much more powerful message. A proclamation that anyone has a right to feel safe from sexual violence.

No matter what your gender. No matter whether you are straight, gay or bisexual. No matter whether you are cis or trans. No matter whether you just like cross-dressing. Everyone has a right to wear whatever they feel like, whatever makes them happy, whatever makes them feel empowered, without having to spare a thought for violence of any kind.

Results

It can hardly have escaped notice that I take STI testing really seriously. And as much as I do my best to explain why I think everyone should get tested regularly, I've been thinking the message could use a bit more punch...

So, for the record, below are my most recent personal results... barely days old.

(Click through for readable image)

As you can see it has been a few months more than the 6 months I like to stick to. I'd like to give a good excuse but all I have is a bad one; my memory for these kinds of things is atrocious. However, I've resolved to get tested at the first available opportunity every June and December from now on. That way I don't have to remember when exactly I last got tested and I can easily put it on my calendar as well.

Technically speaking every 6 months is overkill at the moment. Between Anna, Delilah and myself we're not seeing anyone outside our little circle right now. But I think it is important for me to stick to a habit so that getting tested doesn't turn into a big deal. Also, I can hardly insist on all my partners getting tested if I don't do so myself as well. So in a sense this habit makes it easier for me to ask for what I need from others.

And beyond that it is the responsible thing to do. Because even if testing positive doesn't help me out personally, it might protect someone I care about, or it might protect the partners of someone I care about. It goes beyond just my personal well-being.

And conversely, if I can rely on all my partners (and their partners) testing regularly, I have a much better chance of protecting myself. Because as much as my own next test will not be till December now those of others around me may fall before then and give me some extra coverage in the interim.

Getting tested regularly and insisting your partners do the same all contributes to our collective herd-immunity.

It's not just the right thing to do for yourself but also for the sake of all those you care about.

Lucky Girl

Sometimes it is hard to separate things. Tonight it is not. Tonight I know that this isn't a relationship problem. It isn't because I feel neglected or that we are failing to communicate. It is not you, it's me. It is because my body is weary and exhausted and my mind is close behind.

I read all these blogs and I watch all these tweets and I wonder how anyone gets anything done at all. It seems like everyone is having oodles of sex all of the time. I feel like a fairly below-par sexy blogger person admitting this, but once a week is pretty good for me. Twice a week and I'm doing well. Three times and I start failing to cope with day-to-day tasks. I'm just not up to that much activity.

Right now I'm not even sure I'm up to something as physical as receiving a gentle massage.

It sucks. Lets just get that out there. I mean, it sucks in general when I can't drive myself around or I can't trust my muscles to support a cup of hot coffee without dropping it in my lap. It sucks even more when you have to think about your priorities and you realise that between being able to care for yourself and fucking like a bunny, sex is the one that has to take the back seat.

It'll sound a bit funny coming after all of that, but what I wanted to say was that am so very lucky. Sleeping soundly in the next room are two beautiful people that love me. Yes, they are pretty people, but they are also so very beautiful. They haven't made me feel guilty or lesser, excluded, or unco-operative. They send me cheery things and bring me odd little gifts from the outside world just so that I smile. They hold my hand and blow me kisses and make me smile even when I don't want to (sometimes by way of torture tickling). They still want to be with me even when my conversation can't be all that interesting and the chance of any sort of hanky panky is next to zero. They still want to be with me. Right now when I'm so angry and scared and sad that I'm not even sure I want to be with me, they are still here, feeding me cherries and kissing me on the head.

I am so very lucky.

Quietly

I have been having a lot of trouble writing recently. I have had thoughts and ideas popping out of my ears, but I just can't seem to bring myself to write them down. It takes me a long time to get my rambling thoughts in any condition to be shared with the world, and it takes even longer when the subject matter is somewhat controversial.

Since becoming part of this sex blogging community I have learned many things and 'met' many beautiful people. I have learned about things that used to frighten me, things that one rarely has any exposure to in day-to-day vanilla life. I have had my mind twisted in little circles trying to grasp concepts that I just don't seem to be able to understand as fully as I'd like.

I find myself feeling compelled to take on issues that are not, strictly speaking, mine. It is expected that I have a certain viewpoint on most things, but it is expected in a way that makes me itch. It is just the same old us and them, and in some cases I'm pretty damn sure I'm a "them". I am now censoring myself in new and annoying ways. I feel that I am expected to use specific words and phrasing so as not to offend, even though the thought of doing so makes me feel like a bit of a git. I can't seem to bring up an opposing or challenging viewpoint because I'd get attacked with one of those horribly negative labels with the very sticky glue.

I am trying, I really am, but I've just never been the super-dooper ball-breaking activist type. I like to talk about stuff. I question things. I watch people interacting with other people. I try to figure out why people think the way they do, and why I think the way I do. It isn't for lack of thinking that I come up with ideas that do not necessarily gel with everyone else's. It also isn't for lack of concern or compassion, because I am fairly certain I have an overactive give-a-damn gland. Some things I am just never going to fully understand because they are things that need to be lived, to be seen from the inside. Sometimes I have thoughts and opinions on those things too, because that is important. The world is not populated by people who have experienced absolutely everything for themselves, and you know what they say about opinions...

I want to write. I want to share my thoughts. I want to ask questions and have some sort of considered and constructive dialogue with other people who have other thoughts, but this is the internet and I'm scared that if I speak, the nameless faceless masses (huh, look who's talking) are going to scream and shout and stomp their feet at me without so much as trying to see what I see. It isn't an unfounded fear. I read comments. If I had said some of what I want to say I'd be branded a slut-shaming, victim-blaming, fat-hating, transphobic, undecided, greedy piece of garbage. I'm pretty sure I'm none of those things, but the internet is loud and I am squishy.

If I thought everything I was supposed to think and did everything I was supposed to do, I'd have a husband, two kids, and be baking for the local playgroup cake stall by now. Instead I have Arthur and Delilah and I post naked-ish pictures on the internet. I think I like it better this way.

So for now I'm quiet. I'm quiet until I can wrap my thoughts in fairy floss, or until I get angry enough not to care, or until I fall into line and start thinking and acting as expected. I'm not quite sure yet which one is going to win.

All the Time in the World

When I was younger, before my first relationship, before even having kissed a girl, I used to daydream about what it was I thought I wanted in a girl. Someone caring, someone gorgeous, someone perfect in every single way. Such is the way of young daydreams; they focus on details that turn out to be much less important than the bigger picture.

And then there is that point at which another dimension adds itself to that daydream. Sex. And then suddenly everything gets complicated. "I have to find that special one-and-only-forever-and-ever", ... "But before I run into her, please, let there be as many hot and willing girls as possible". And I don't think that thought ever completely fades out of a persons life. It may end up suppressed for periods, or it may be shoved aside as irrelevant, or as something to be resisted at all cost.

I've heard plenty of discussions throughout my life that boil down to: "He/she is wonderful, ... but I wish there had been a few more experiences first".

I have been starting to think that this is the biggest potential danger to monogamy. If you hold to it absolutely, then that creeping desire in the back of your brain may very well spin you out of control in-between your long-term relationships to do the catching up you feel you have to get in before you end up tied down by someone you love again. And that doesn't sound like a particularly healthy sentiment, now does it?

The great thing about non-monogamy and polyamory more specifically is that you don't end up having to race that ticking clock of how-long-till-someone-snares-me. There are no absolute boundaries that you have to frantically work inside. Colour outside the lines already!

For me personally the desire for more/other experiences has never been acute and pressing, but it has been there at various times throughout my life. Like many, I've had times I have dwelled on what-ifs that never were. But I never really felt particularly constrained by them.

Now however, there is this sense of lightness in my day-to-day life that betrays a weight on my mind I never even realised was there. And its absence feels wonderful and relaxing.

As much as there are many more things I can make a reality in my sex-life now, I do not feel any rush to get them done. As much as there are attractive girls scattered throughout my daily routine, I do not feel any urgency to see where it might lead right this minute. As much as there are many many things that get me hot and bothered, I know there is plenty of time to get around to them.

I have my Anna and Delilah along for the journey, and that already makes me luckier than most. But I also do not need to work to an artificial timeline ticked off by a clock of broken relationships.

I have all the time in the world.

State Your Preference

This just in... Google recently released "+1", and every one of our posts now has a button underneath that you can use to declare your favourites (only on the home page, not on individual post pages). Keep in mind that these favourites will be associated with your Google identity, so make sure you don't flag anything that you don't want other people to know about (little privacy tip).

I'll be interested to see if/how it gets used, and what conclusions we might be able to draw from it. I have no idea whether it'll have a measurable impact on search traffic, but who knows :)

Now, back to our usual programming...

Wanton Wednesday - Dreary Day

So, is it my turn for Wednesday?

Yup, wear this, go outside where it is wet and cold, and then take it off all sexy-like. It'll be great!

I am so lucky that Arthur loves me. He even offered to spritz himself with water to make it look like he was covered in raindrops! What a brave man he is. I wouldn't be caught dead outside in this weather.

You should go and check out the rest of the brave Wanton crowd. Just clicky the button below :)