Monday, April 4, 2011

CityKat - Three's Company

I only recently discovered CityKat; a blog/column on the Sydney Morning Herald webpage. I have been very pleasantly surprised by the authors' attitude on the whole... but then... there are the comments.

What specifically got me going was a topic near and dear to my bed: threesomes. The fact there are 69 comments as I write this makes me weirdly happy. And the quality of the comments is actually overall not too bad.

Kat herself starts from a reader email, goes through admitting rosy fantasies earlier during her development, and finally admits not completely having given up on the fascination with the fantasy. Brave start. Over to the comments.

I think the anxious build up, fleetingly short good moments and the awkward conversations afterwards would make it all seem like a bit of an anticlimax.
Ive never tried one.
If there are awkward conversations afterwards then I personally think there wasn't enough preparation up-front. If you do it right, by the time you're all in bed together you're on the same wavelength and all really really want it... and then it's just an awesome experience. I find it funny how this guy feels the need to leave an authoritative sounding comment based on "0" actual personal experience.

For me, yeah, it seems threesomes seem mainly to exist for bragging rights (low self esteem) or for bisexual experimentation without admitting to any of "those kinds of feelings" (insecure about their sexuality).
I'm sure there are people having them just for bragging rights... just like there are guys bragging about sleeping with a different girl every night... or girlfriends bragging to each other how kinky their last encounter was. And I'm sure some of it is for experimentation, and so what? I take more exception to the quote-marked "those kinds of feelings" ... the author himself sounds like he's not entirely comfortable with the topic.

I'd love to go 3some but only in FFM situation - there is no way i'm poking someone else's porridge. Why? Because one is awesome, imagine what 2 would be like!
I have no problem with the part where he only wants FFM... that's a fair enough personal choice. But my god... what does the rest of that fragment even mean exactly? Actually, I'm sure I don't want to know.

My girl is my girl until such time as she decides otherwise. If anyone else wants to get involved (M or F) then they are going to have to win her away, after which point I don't want her back.
As much as it is valid to not be interested... this comment just plain gave me the creeps. For some reason this guy just sounds like he has no feelings for his partners at all. So callously discarded "after which point I don't want her back".

But on the other hand there were some awesome comments by people with actual experiences; some ongoing enthusiasts, and some one-time-attempts without regrets.

Had one... FFM 3some, I was 18. Was pretty much just an experiment, and I was the third party. It's not something I would actively persue, but for what it was, it was fun!
Not everyone gets hooked on them, but it's nice to be able to admit that you had one and feel no shame or regret about it.

What a bunch of conservatives, it's just sex! I swear to god that Australia is the most conservative western country in the world, lets just call it saudi australia.
All this moralising about what deep down everyone want to do, yes everybody likes sex, just relax and enjoy yr life, forget about what yr friends will think.
Why does it have to involve a deep psychological examination?
Just pretend yr a bonobo (our closest relatives), and go with yr desires. Yr desires and fantasies are not wrong or evil or anything of the sort.
A bit crude... and overly dramatic (I wouldn't call Australia the most conservative western country in the world by a long stretch), but his heart is in the right place. I wish he'd polished his comment a bit better, because there's a gem in there somewhere.

Have I? In short, yes! A few times now, mainly FFM. All with my fiance, some with friends, some strangers. Most were positive situations, most with some alcohol added, some spontaneous, some planned, none were truly negative, some just better than others, for different reasons.

I have always been curious about women, thankfully I have had the opportunity to explore in a safe environment. My man loves it, it's a treat for both of us. It's not a regular thing, we haven't engaged anyone else for 3-4 yrs, our last "regular" friend has moved and it's hard to find someone who I like. He's not fussy and we have similar taste when it comes to physical attraction, however I need to "like" the girl to completely enjoy the experience. Feeling I can trust their motives also is important. I trust my man implicitly, a bunny boiler I don't need!

For me, it's not just great sex, that's the bonus, but I also like the close bond I can form with someone who becomes so close to me/us.

I guess now I am bi sexual. As a bi sexual about to get married to a man, I will still seek a threesome to satisfy that part of me that he cannot address. I love that he is comfortable enough to let me, he loves that I love him, and women.

Happy wife, happy life! I love my life :)
And that's my personal favourite, since it fits fairly closely to our own experiences.

What also shone through for me is that the biggest divide is still between the people that have tried it and those that haven't. For the most part those that haven't assume it inevitably will cause disasters or stems from impure motivations. Those that have may not have an active desire for more, but generally admit that there was something exciting about it; apart from one or two that only had a single bad experience.

I think it's inherently very hard to bridge that gap. Once you've had a fun experience like it, it's hard to imagine why those that haven't are so afraid of it. It's that thin line between the fearful and disastrous unknown, and the everyday happy reality of things that you carefully negotiate with your partner.

I'm not sure there's an actual lesson in here. I wish there were... it'd make for a very strong ending that I'm now lacking.

All I've got is Sex Is Fun! (best tagline ever)

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