I'm not quite sure how it came up... we were sitting around talking with Delilah, and then the topic of kids rears its head. I think it started with an admission of feeling clucky by Annabelle. And the next thing I know Delilah suggests we'd need to get rid of her if that were to happen... and... why exactly?
I definitely have no intention of getting rid of anyone. There is nothing wrong with how we choose to live, and although some aspects of it will need to be kept away from kids until they grow up enough to ask and answer the right questions; but as long as we keep things nicely out of view it shouldn't matter... should it?
We're not in any hurry to have a kid just yet, but sooner or later we will. And I for one relish having aunt Delilah in our lives all throughout... (and anyone else we might gather along the way before then). But is this something that needs to be desperately hidden from other parents? The authorities? I'd like to think not, but for the sake of pragmatically avoiding conflict there may need to be some trade-offs of principles against comfort.
What I'd like to know is; are any of our readers in a non-traditional relationship situation whilst having (young or otherwise) kids? What are the issues? How do you deal with it?
I refuse to believe it is an insurmountable problem, but it's something we'll have to think our way through before having a kid. It's one of those prices of admission to this awesome way of living we find ourselves in. Well worth it, but an added burden most parents do not have to worry about.
Leave a comment if you are in a situation like that... we'd love to hear anything you got!
I definitely have no intention of getting rid of anyone. There is nothing wrong with how we choose to live, and although some aspects of it will need to be kept away from kids until they grow up enough to ask and answer the right questions; but as long as we keep things nicely out of view it shouldn't matter... should it?
We're not in any hurry to have a kid just yet, but sooner or later we will. And I for one relish having aunt Delilah in our lives all throughout... (and anyone else we might gather along the way before then). But is this something that needs to be desperately hidden from other parents? The authorities? I'd like to think not, but for the sake of pragmatically avoiding conflict there may need to be some trade-offs of principles against comfort.
What I'd like to know is; are any of our readers in a non-traditional relationship situation whilst having (young or otherwise) kids? What are the issues? How do you deal with it?
I refuse to believe it is an insurmountable problem, but it's something we'll have to think our way through before having a kid. It's one of those prices of admission to this awesome way of living we find ourselves in. Well worth it, but an added burden most parents do not have to worry about.
Leave a comment if you are in a situation like that... we'd love to hear anything you got!
Posts
when you have children it changes everything. I mean that in the sense of time and accomplishing things. YOur particular lifestyle which i totally think is awesome because its working for both of you. The children have to come first( i am sure you know this i hope that didnt sound condescending) and believe me they find ways of doing this even if you dont put them first or try to arrange them so you can arrange things for yourself. A lot of your time is lost and you wont entirely understand this until they come even though you probably understand this there is just no true sense of understanding until they arrive. I am sure you can keep some of your lifetyle the same but it wont be the same for quite a while and are you willing to part with that for sometime.I think that is the real question. This is just based on my own experience and no I am not enjoying the same lifestyle as you and your wife but I thought I could add a little perspective.
ReplyDeleteCheers for the comment Shellie :) It is certainly one of those things that you can't fully appreciate until you are in the situation, try as we might to anticipate what might happen. :) Any children would definitely come first, that is just the way things are.
ReplyDeleteI don't expect that we'd be able to keep to the exact same type of lifestyle we enjoy now if we were to have children, but then I'm not sure that anyone can keep things the same after the arrival of little ones ;) Things would change, most definitely, but I'm not sure if having a third person in the picture would be a negative. I like the idea of someone who can take the pressure off a bit. I kind of like the thought that even if I'm wiped out after getting up fifty thousand times a night that I don't have to back that up with wild sex too.
To be honest, we aren't really 'in the lifestyle' as such. We don't go out heaps or have many different women in our bed, we haven't done clubs or parties, and anyone who comes to our house is a friend first and foremost. Some adjustment and alteration will no doubt be necessary (if only because we'll be exhausted for the first while, then avoiding curious toddlers, then dealing with confusion of peers and so on) but I'm pretty sure that if we are sensible & practical about things that we can manage parenting just as well as a traditional family. :)
-Anna
I know I'm quite late in responding to this, but I was browsing through the "Catching Up" entry (brilliant, thank you) and I thought I'd pipe up.
ReplyDeleteI have a husband and a girlfriend and I also have two children, boys age 8 and 10.
My girlfriend lives in a city about 40 minutes away by car, and our living space is quite small, so I generally go there. My children have not met her, but now that our relationship seems secure I would like for her to meet them. What will I tell them? Well -- probably nothing. They remain resolutely incurious about our sex life, despite the fact that they must hear some pretty nutty sounds emanating from Mommy and Daddy's room (we are great enthusiasts of Things That Go Ouch In The Night).
My response to anyone challenging my parenting based on the fact that I'm kinky or non-monogamous, however, would be: "Oh, a sexually and personally fulfilled mother -- won't someone please, please THINK OF THE CHILDREN!" complete with eye-rolling.
One more thing: for me, the sleep-deprivation and body image issues that came along with becoming a mother put a huge dent in my sexuality. I really didn't want to have sex at all for about a year.
ReplyDeleteLosing that part of myself was very painful and I wish I had had someone in my life to help me reclaim that -- my husband and I were too busy and tired to go on a rescue expedition for my lost libido.
Once you have children you'll wonder why we ever got rid of the extended family. I think an infant takes at least five adults to handle comfortably! ;-)