I had to take a train to get to and from the Lasering this past weekend. That isn't worthy of a story in and of itself, but sometimes you encounter interesting people on trains. There was an incredibly cute Asian girl with her friends that kept staring at me; she smiled once or twice, and I tried to smile back... no idea how much I succeeded, but it kinda makes the day.
And then there were those guys. You know them. The kind that makes you cringe as you listen to them talk about their conquests from last night. The sheer objectifying language made me wish I had earphones to listen to some music. And then on to the girl they had last weekend, and then some.
It made me wonder about the damage that social norms are doing without anyone noticing. See, what occurred to me is that these guys clearly aren't ready to settle for the "one and only girl", but the only way they know for sex to be meaningful is in a long-term monogamous relationship.
They didn't seem to even realise there is absolutely nothing wrong with the idea of having friends that you have sex with one week, and just watch a movie with next week. Something that doesn't demand you see nobody else, nor that you pretend it didn't mean anything on an inter-personal level.
But clearly large chunks of teenagers do not get to absorb this lesson, because nobody taught their parents it. It doesn't have to mean casual-yet-meaningful has to be the norm... or even for everyone, but surely we can all agree that in the wide spectrum between one-night-stands, serial monogamy, and long-term committed relationships there is also room for casual friends fucking on occasion?
It didn't feel my place to try and educate these guys, nor do I think they would have been receptive to the lesson. But I wonder if they realise what possibilities they are missing out on? I wonder if they realise there are girls out there who'd be just as happy with an arrangement where they can see other guys as well. I wonder how they eventually will do at monogamy.
It isn't really my problem, but it'd make the world such a nicer place to live in.
And then there were those guys. You know them. The kind that makes you cringe as you listen to them talk about their conquests from last night. The sheer objectifying language made me wish I had earphones to listen to some music. And then on to the girl they had last weekend, and then some.
It made me wonder about the damage that social norms are doing without anyone noticing. See, what occurred to me is that these guys clearly aren't ready to settle for the "one and only girl", but the only way they know for sex to be meaningful is in a long-term monogamous relationship.
They didn't seem to even realise there is absolutely nothing wrong with the idea of having friends that you have sex with one week, and just watch a movie with next week. Something that doesn't demand you see nobody else, nor that you pretend it didn't mean anything on an inter-personal level.
But clearly large chunks of teenagers do not get to absorb this lesson, because nobody taught their parents it. It doesn't have to mean casual-yet-meaningful has to be the norm... or even for everyone, but surely we can all agree that in the wide spectrum between one-night-stands, serial monogamy, and long-term committed relationships there is also room for casual friends fucking on occasion?
It didn't feel my place to try and educate these guys, nor do I think they would have been receptive to the lesson. But I wonder if they realise what possibilities they are missing out on? I wonder if they realise there are girls out there who'd be just as happy with an arrangement where they can see other guys as well. I wonder how they eventually will do at monogamy.
It isn't really my problem, but it'd make the world such a nicer place to live in.
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